Tuesday, May 30, 2017

Oh Baby, Talk about a Mercy in Disguise

"Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise"
"Blessings" by Laura Story

Have you ever wondered why things happen in your life-especially the things that turn it upside down? Why specific prayers weren't answered? Why things you wanted so badly never came to fruition?

What if the closed doors, the unanswered prayers, the shattered dreams, the bad news were all simply mercies in disguise?

"Hit me baby, one more time" definitely played over and over in my mind when I found out the news. Good ol' Britney Spears lyrics had never spoken so true or so loudly. And I really begged God that this would be the LAST of it-I don't think I can take any more. Just when I thought I had heard and been through the worse and had finally come out on the other side moving on with my life...

My confusions and the puzzle pieces that I could never put together the past 7 months were finally pieced together-lingering questions were answered as to why my ex-husband left so suddenly, quickly and adamantly-why he was determined to shut out and run away from me and his former life. Now I understood why he was shutting out the world-his marriage, his friends, his family, everything. And the answer hit me like a ton of bricks.

Ohhhhhhhhh baby. The other woman was pregnant. And 9 months from the day he filed for divorce and abandoned me back in November, they will be having a baby girl (plus her two existing children from her previous marriage). Lord have mercy. For real.

Speaking of Lord have mercy...HE SHOWED ME A TRUE MERCY IN DISGUISE-If my ex had stayed in our marriage, I would have had eternal ties to him and the other woman...and their baby. I would have to face the fact every day that my husband was having a child with the woman he cheated on me with-talk about a Jerry Springer hot mess...crisis averted. God was saving me this whole time even though I couldn't see it through the pain and tears...but now I can. And I praise Him for His love, mercy and giving me a huge sense of clarity and a spirit of thankfulness for how everything transpired.

Although this news helped clarify a lot of things, it also added to some deep hurt. You see, I was never on birth control for the near 5 years of our marriage and never once was I able to get pregnant...and I couldn't understand why (so hearing that she easily got pregnant in a short amount of time shocked me). And every time I was late, I would take a pregnancy test and within seconds, it was clear that I was not pregnant. I made numerous visits with the OBGYN only to find that everything was working as it should be, and yet I never got pregnant.

But now, I see that it was another one of God's mercies in disguise. I praise the Lord that I don't have to bear the burden of being a single mother and having to raise a child on my own. Although my mother was a single mom after my parents' divorce, I have an even greater respect (and heart) for single mothers now that I've been through everything-my heart truly goes out to any woman who has had to go through my situation with children. What strength and bravery that would require. We should all pray for these mothers often.

As you pray, ask that God will eventually reveal those mercies in disguise so that your eyes may be opened and your heart of sadness will turn into thankfulness. Thank him for closing doors. Thank him from saving you from the unknown. See the beauty in your circumstances. See the possible beauty rising among the thorns and darkness. See the beauty of our God. 

What if trials of this life are His mercies in disguise? My love, please know and rest in this: He is working everything for your good.

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