Monday, May 8, 2017

A Beautiful Broken Heart

Written February 2017

Morning after morning, I have to take the thousands of pieces of my broken heart and put them back together again just to survive another day. It's quite exhausting doing this every single morning. And today is no different. It's Valentine's Day (when you read this, it won't be). But yay-I'm super excited about spending yet another holiday facing it all (insert eye roll and side eye emoji).

"[I knitted] you together in [your] mother's womb...for you are fearfully and wonderfully made..." -Psalm 139 13-14

It's strange to say that I have gotten used to the loneliness but still have  have faith and contentment being "single". I am truly healing But this day sucks. My mind has been wondering about what he's going to do for her today. It hurts. It's painful. It's unimaginable. Honestly, I hope I haunt his mind all day today-I hope all of the precious and innocent Valentine's Days we had together for 6 years plays over and over in his mind today-and I hope any plans he has for her goes up in flames. I know that it's not the kindest wish for your spouse, but I told you I would keep it real as I write these posts. Some may say it's "unChristian" to feel the ways you are feeling, but do not listen to that. It is normal. It is human. It is the trauma being dealt with. Let yourself feel.

I didn't want to hurt and sit in the lap of bitterness today, so you want to know how I stopped this? I did something crazy-I decided to do an act of kindness. I sent him an Amazon gift card today to his email with a note that said I was praying for him and I was-I prayed for him the entire day. My heart softened the moment I hit the checkout button in my cart and my hurt turned into hope. The hope that I could face this-that I could heal one day-that I could forgive. It was amazing how doing something to show God's love for him-the man who has deeply hurt me changed my outlook of today. It pacified my heart and my mind. I needed to only be still, to listen to my Heavenly Father and to obey what he had placed on my heart to do.

 (Put your name here), "be still and know that I am God..." Psalm 46:10

I know I must be still and stop thinking. And I know that you probably need to stop, too. I know you are hurting but honestly, let's look at the BIGGER and more BEAUTIFUL picture-the LOVE of God. Today, we can rest in the shadow of His amazing and comforting wing. We can KNOW that His love will NEVER FAIL us, will NEVER FORSAKE us, will NEVER LEAVE us and will NEVER END. No earthly love can do that. Earthly love fails. It disappoints. It sometimes ends. But God's love is forever. It is unconditional. It is BEAUTIFUL.

"We love because He first loved us." -1 John 4:19

My heart is broken, but it is beautiful. In this time of devastation and loneliness, I urge you to find beauty in God's promises, truths and love. Draw close to Him. Bring Him flowers of praise today. Give him a box of thankfulness. Take Him to a dinner through a one-on-one date with Him and His word.

Happy Valentine's day, my love. Your heart may be shattered and broken. But you are beautiful. God loves you more than you could ever imagine. He can make that broken heart beautiful. He can make that broken heart whole again.

There will be a magical Valentine's Day again for you. Believe that. Stay hopeful. Keep loving. Every day is Valentine's Day with God-he loves you and wants to show you his unconditional, unfailing love every single day. Let Him do that. Open your heart to Him. Give Him your hurt. Allow Him to heal and restore you. He loves your spouse. He loves the other man or woman-he desires to break the chains that have been bound to their deceived hearts. BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY, HE LOVES YOU.

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