Monday, May 22, 2017

I Say a Little Prayer for You

(written March 2017)

Some people have called me crazy. Some people have discouraged me. Some people have told me to focus solely on myself. Some people have simply told me to stop. Stop praying for him.

Monday, May 15, 2017

Enough is Enough

(Written February 2017)

"Give thanks to the Lord for he is good; his love endures forever." -Psalm 118:29

I have had enough of the endless months filled with the tears, the depression, the consuming thoughts, the hurt, the feeling of being unloved and unworthy. I recalled a message from my pastor talking about giving thanks and words of praise even when our circumstances make it nearly impossible to feel like doing so. Today, I continued my reading through the Psalms. I stopped, shut my eyes and talked to my Father. What started out as simple words of praise turned into a prayer revival (no handling of snakes or the beating of drums or the shaking of tambourines but one of the rawest prayer times I've ever had). I released it all; I praised him; I made requests; I interceded on my spouse's and other woman's behalf; I made a promise to Him that I was done and letting go. I know that I will need to do this daily-it's a marathon, not a sprint. But it's something. Actually, it's everything. I need to move forward for me and my own heart. I need the chains of the betrayal to fall and the sun to rise again in my soul. Enough is enough.

Monday, May 8, 2017

A Beautiful Broken Heart

Written February 2017

Morning after morning, I have to take the thousands of pieces of my broken heart and put them back together again just to survive another day. It's quite exhausting doing this every single morning. And today is no different. It's Valentine's Day (when you read this, it won't be). But yay-I'm super excited about spending yet another holiday facing it all (insert eye roll and side eye emoji).

Tuesday, April 25, 2017

Music for the Soul

Let me warn you-stay away from those pity party love songs. Do not drown yourself in sappy country songs about being cheated on, him being a better man, or the one that got away. Every now and then it's ok, but control yourself. Stay away from crying to the sounds of whining violins, the acoustic melodies of "your songs" and nostalgic playlists. Nothing good will come of it. Nothing. Encompass your ears in truth-God's truth.

Monday, April 17, 2017

Hide Your Crazy

(written January 2016)

So, I'm appreciative of those who warned me that my emotions would fluctuate minute to minute, hour to hour, day to day. For the first couple of months, I had really worked on suppressing anything that I felt didn't uplift the Lord or kept me focused on examining my own heart, praying for my marriage and praying for my husband (and sometimes her). I wanted to remain peaceful, humble and kind.